UFC 309 meets The Wolf of Wall Street
Jordan Belfort, say hello to Jon Jones
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The MMA Notebook runs every Friday.
Jon Jones is going to obliterate Stipe Miocic tomorrow at UFC 309.
Yet somehow, that doesn’t make it any less appealing to watch. Even if it feels like we know the outcome, I still can’t wait to watch.
You know the feeling, right?
Mike Tyson also returns to the boxing ring tonight, facing Jake Paul (no, you’re no hallucinating) on Netflix. That is not bound to be a classic. But again, I can’t wait to watch.
That’s where we stand entering this monumental fight weekend. And with Wall Street only a few miles away from Madison Square Garden, which is where tomorrow’s fights take place, it is only fitting that we combine UFC 309 with The Wolf of Wall Street.
Leo DiCaprio was brilliant as Jordan Belfort, the financer-turned-criminal. Beside him were a slew of talents like Jonah Hill and Matthew McConaughey, as well as a stunning performance from Margot Robbie as Belfort’s wife. The film encapsulated the sex, drugs, and lawlessness of Wall Street–before it all came crashing down.
Maybe it’s not exactly like the current state of MMA–but don’t worry, there are plenty of connections to be made.
To capture the spirit of UFC 309, here are a dozen quotes from The Wolf of Wall Street:
“I’m not leaving. I’m not fucking leaving!”
This one is for Mike Tyson.
At 58 years old, and only months removed from an ulcer flare-up, Iron Mike is returning to the ring for his first sanctioned bout since 2005.
There will be no romanticizing this moment. Tyson is here for the money, and he should get a hefty payday in Netflix’s first foray into streaming live sports.
Tyson isn’t a saint. He is, however, an entertainer. And this should be entertaining, even if it does end with Tyson saving face by getting DQ’d (+150 on DraftKings!).
“Then two more every five minutes–after that until one of us passes the fuck out.”
Matthew McConaughey is a tour de force as Mark Hanna in The Wolf of Wall Street, effectively becoming the mentor who sets Jordan Belfort on a new, law-defying trajectory.
With hardly any screen time, McConaughey makes the most of his minutes. The confidence and strength in his absurd drink order somehow makes you believe in every word he is saying.
The UFC version is Joe Rogan, who adds an exceptional amount to each pay-per-view. He has turned himself into one of the best commentators in all of sports, and events feel bigger when he’s on the call.
Rogan won’t be reciting a drink order on the 309 broadcast, but he will add flavor to every card on the bout.
“You can watch me, mock me, try to block me but you cannot stop me.”
Jordan Belfort dealt with his problems by becoming rich.
Jon Jones has done it by dominating the sport.
No stranger to controversy, Jones (27-1, 1 NC) finds peace and solitude–and victory–in the cage. Outside of a lone disqualification loss in 2009, he has remained an unstoppable force throughout the duration of his career.
No matter the distance, Jones has a method to defeat his opponent. His footwork is immaculate, he can close in from a distance–while his opponent cannot. He knows exactly how to cause his opponents to lose balance, then attacks once the takedown is secured.
Jones has made a career out of making the most of his abilities, and there is every reason to believe that will continue against Stipe Miocic at UFC 309.
“Daddy doesn’t even get to touch Mommy for a very, very… very long time.”
A cold line from Naomi Lapaglia is the stone-cold truth for Stipe Miocic. The only way Miocic is going to see the heavyweight title again is by looking at Jones.
Had this fight happened five years ago, the outcome could have been different. Miocic poses problems for Jones, especially with his hands, especially considering Jones has yet to be tested at heavyweight. But there’s an equally dangerous reverse parallel to that: Jones poses even more issues for Miocic, particularly at the age of 43 and after more than three years of inactivity.
This is the end of the road for Miocic, the finish to a Hall of Fame career. And he will honor the sport by going out on his back.
“Every person around here, they want to get rich and they want to get rich quickly. They all want something for nothing.”
Charles Oliveira is a perennial contender for the lightweight title.
Michael Chandler is doing all he can to jump him in line.
Oliveira (34-10, 1 NC) lost a close fight by split decision to Arman Tsarukyan at UFC 300. He needs a victory at UFC 309 to keep his position atop the contenders for Islam Makhachev’s title, a spot that Chandler desperately wants to pry from his grip.
As for Chandler…
“Risk is what keeps us young.”
Aunt Emma, Michael Chandler.
Michael Chandler, Aunt Emma.
Aunt Emma talked about risk like she had it all under control. That is, until she didn’t.
Sound familiar?
After getting stood up by Conor McGregor, this is the long-awaited return bout for Michael Chandler. He is capitalizing on the buzz with a flurry of videos and inspirational messages on social media, vowing to go for the lightweight title after defeating Oliveira.
But that’s the problem. Oliveira is a horrible matchup for Chandler.
When they’re standing, Oliveira is better. On the ground, Oliveira has the edge. And when he inevitably takes control of Chandler’s back, it is over.
This is a rematch from three years ago, which Oliveira won. Chandler looked explosive early, but Oliveira withstood the storm and finished him.
After waiting so long for McGregor, this is worth the risk for Chandler… until it isn’t.
“You wanna know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on Wall Street.”
Despite losing eight of his last 10, Chris Weidman enters UFC 309 as a slight favorite (-102 on DraftKings) in his middleweight bout against Erik Anders.
Weidman (16-7) won the first 13 fights of his career, including two career-changing wins against Anderson Silva. But the past few years have been difficult for him, with two surgeries after snapping his right fibula and tibia in a 2021 fight against Uriah Hall. Age (40) is also a factor, but Weidman simply cannot stay away from the cage. Belfort’s was obsessed with money–for Weidman, it’s another fight.
After looking better in March when he picked up a win over Bruno Silva, Weidman now looks to get his hand raised at home in New York. Anders (16-8, 1 NC) hasn’t exactly set the fight world on fire, losing three of his last five, but he is a step faster than Weidman–which should be the difference here when landing the blow that ends Weidman’s night.
“I made $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.”
This one goes to UFC CEO Dana White, who continues to bring his promotion to new heights. He also played a pivotal role in the United States presidential election.
White endorsed Donald Trump, helping the former president connect with young men through a litany of podcast appearances, doing interviews with the Nelk Boys, Theo Von, The Undertaker, and Joe Rogan. It was a non-traditional route, but it proved to be incredibly effective.
If that blueprint sounds familiar, it’s because it is the same approach White uses with the UFC and Power Slap. The strategy continues to work, with the latest evidence being Trump’s landslide victory.
“I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich!”
Bo Nickal looks every bit like the real deal.
We’ll get a better indication of that at UFC 309 when he receives his latest test, coming in the form of Paul Craig.
Craig (17-8-1) has lost two in a row, including getting knocked out by Caio Borralho in May. His career is similar to the scene from Seinfeld when George Costanza was spotting dimes and biting onions; Craig shattered Magomed Ankalaev’s undefeated streak, defeated Jamahal Hill, but he’s also lost four of his last five–getting finished in three of those losses.
Nickal (6-0) is a massive favorite, which won’t change until he faces ranked opponents. But this will be the first real test of his career.
“I’ve got the guts to die. What I want to know is, have you got the guts to live?”
One more point: Craig has faced the fire.
Nickal hasn’t.
It will be very interesting if Craig can extend this into the second or third round.
“Sell me this pen.”
Jordan Belfort could sell. Anything.
Jim Miller will fight. Anyone.
Miller (37-18, 1 NC) and I were both born in 1983. Only one of us, however, has been fighting professionally since 2005.
The remarkable run continues for Miller (37-18, 1 NC) at the Garden, where he will undoubtedly receive a standing ovation if he can get the better of Damon Jackson.
Watching Miller fight is like a fountain of youth. All of a sudden, it’s the early 2000s again. He’s more enjoyable–and violent–with each fight, and now we get to see him back at MSG for the first time since 2016.
“I’ll tell you what, I’m never eating at Benihana again. I don’t care whose birthday it is.”
In one sentence, Donnie Azoff–played to perfection by Jonah Hill–summed up a fighter’s lament: you never quite know how the end is coming.
Martin Scorsese’s movie illustrated how improbable it was for anyone connected with Benihana to undermine the great Jordan Belfort. Yet MMA fans know the truth: the end is more like how we saw it on The Sopranos, when it all just suddenly fades to black.
If you’re Stipe Miocic and lose, you’ll fall on your sword against one of the greatest ever. If you’re Bo Nickal and you lose at 309, it’s the end of the hype train.
But rarely does it ever happen how you think it will.
That unpredictability is why the gambling business is such a lucrative one, but it is also part of the beauty of the sport. So buckle up–we’re going to be in for a hell of a ride this weekend.
The Pick ‘Em Section
UFC 309 heavyweight title bout: Jon Jones (c) vs. Stipe Miocic
Pick: Jon Jones
UFC 309 lightweight bout: Michael Chandler vs. Charles Oliveira
Pick: Charles Oliveira
UFC 309 middleweight bout: Bo Nickal vs. Paul Craig
Pick: Bo Nickal
UFC 309 middleweight bout: Chris Weidman vs. Eryk Anders
Pick: Eryk Anders
UFC 309 lightweight bout: Jim Miller vs. Damon Jackson
Pick: Jim Miller
Last week: 3-2
2024 record: 103-82